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第一篇:《中英版幽默笑话》
New Discovery
A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office
building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors closed,
lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young model
stepped off the elevator.
Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, "I should have brought my wife!"
新发现
一个乡下人第一次到大城市游逛。他走进一座大楼，看见一个岁数很大的矮胖女人迈进一个小房间。房间的门随后关上，有几个灯在闪亮。一会儿，门开了，电梯里走出一位年青漂亮的女模特。 乡下人惊奇地眨着眼睛，慢吞吞地说：“我应该把我的老婆带来!”
Part-time Job
When my son was a hign-school sophomore, he got a part-time job sacking
groceries at a supermarket. He came home all smiles.
"How was your first day?" I asked.
"It was great, Dad," he replied. "I got to talk to some good-looking girls."
Since Stephen is not very talkative, I asked, "What did you say to them?"
"Do you prefer paper or plastic?"
业余工作
我儿子在一所中学读二年级时，在一家超级市场找到了一份包装商品的业余工作。他满面笑容地回到了家。 “第一天感觉如何？”我问。
|“好极了，爸爸。”他答道，“我跟许多漂亮的女孩子讲了话。”
由于斯蒂芬不善言谈，我问道：“你跟他们说了些什么？”
“你是喜欢纸包装还是塑料包装？
Difference
"I can always tell a graduate class from an undergraduate class," observed the
instructor in one of my graduate engineering courses at California State
University in Los Angeles. "When I say, 'Good afternoon,' the undergraduates
respond, 'Good afternoon." But the graduate students just write it down."
区 别
“研究生班和本科生很容易就能区别开来，”在洛杉矶加利福利亚州立大学给我们研究生上工程学课的老师如此说。“我说„下午好‟，本科生们回答说„下午好‟。研究生们则把我说的话记在笔记本上。”
keep the change
One sweltering day, I was scooping ice cream into cones and told my four
children they could "buy" a cone from me for a hug. Almost immediately, the kids
lined up to make their purchases. The three youngest each gave me a quick hug,
grabbed their cones and raced back outside. But when my teen-age son at the end
of the line finally got his turn to "buy" his ice cream, he gave me two hugs.
"Keep the changes," he said with a smile.
不用找了
有一天天气闷热，我将冰淇淋舀进锥筒，告诉我的四个小孩，他们可以从我这里用拥抱“购买”一筒。于是，孩子们马上排起了队来购买。较小的三个孩子每人很快的抱了我一下，抓过冰淇淋筒就跑到外面去了。最后轮到排在队尾十年的大儿子来“买”冰淇淋时，他拥抱了我二下。“不用找了，”他笑着说。
Bedtime Prayers
Julie was saying her bedtime prayers. "Please God," she said, "make Naples the
capital of Italy. Make Naples the capital of Italy."
Her mother interrupted and said. "Julie, why do you want God to make Naples the
capital of Italy?"
And Julie replyed, "Because that's what I put in my geography exam!"
睡前祷告词
朱莉叶在做睡前祷告。“上帝，求求你，”她说，“让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都吧。”
妈妈打断她的话说：“朱莉叶，为什么求上帝让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都呢？”
朱莉叶回答道：“因为我在地理考卷上是这样写的。”
That's Why
Jimmy started painting when he was three years old, and when he was five, he was
already very good at it. He painted many beautiful and interesting pictures, and
people paid a lot of money for them. They said, "This boy's going to be famous
when he's little older, and then we're going to sell these pictures for a lot
more money."
Jimmy's pictures were different from other people's because he never painted on
all of the paper. He painted on half of it, and the other half was always empty.
"That's very clever," everyone said, "Nobody else does that!"
One day somebody bought one of Jimmy's pictures and then said to him, "Please
tell me this, Jimmy. Why do you paint on the bottom half of your pictures, but
not on the top half?"
"Because I'm small," Jimmy said, "and my burshes don't reach very high."
原来如此
吉米三岁开始画画，五岁时已经画得很好了。他画了很多美丽而有趣的画，人们出高价购买。他们说，“这个孩子长大一点肯定会出名，我们可以靠这些画大赚一笔。”
吉米的画与众不同。因为他从来不在整张纸上作画。他只画一半的纸，而另一半他总空着。
“构思多么巧妙啊!”大家都说，“从来没有人这么做过。”
有一天，一个人买了吉米的画，然后问他：“请告诉我，吉米，你为什么总是在纸的下半部分画画，而不是在纸的上半部分？”
吉米说，“因为我个头小，够不着上面。”
I'm Glad
A Sunday-school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others
glad. "Now, children," she said, "has anyone of you ever made someone else glad?"
"Please, teacher," said a small boy, "I've make someone glad yesterday."
Well done. Who was that!"
"My granny."
"Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grandmother glad."
"Please, teacher, I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her three hours.
Then I said to her, 'Granny, I'm going home.' and she said, 'Well, I'm glad'!"
我很高兴
一个主日学校的教师正在对学生讲使别人高兴的重要性。“听着，孩子们，”她说，“你们当中有谁曾让别人高兴过吗？”
“我，教师，”一个小男孩说，“昨天我就使别人高兴过。”
“做得好，是谁呢？”
“我奶奶。”
“好孩子。现在告诉我们，你是怎样使你奶奶高兴的？”
“是这样的，教师。昨天我去看她，在她那儿呆了三个小时。然后我对她说：„奶奶，我要回家了。‟她说：„啊，我很高兴。‟”
Problem in Arithmetic
Bill is a good student and an intelligent boy. He likes to study arithmetic, and
he can do all of the arithmetic problems in his book easily.
One day on his way to school Bill passed a fruit store. There was a sign in the
window which said, "Apple-Six for five cents." An idea came to Bill and he went
into the store.
"How much are the apples?" he asked the store.
"Six for five cents."
"But I don't want six apples."
"How many apples do you want?"
"It is not a question of how many apples I want. It is a problem in arithmetic."
"What do you mean by a problem in arithmetic?" asked the man.
"Well, if six apples are wroth five cents, then five apples are worth four
cents, four apples are worth three cents, three apples are worth rwo cents, two
apples are worth one cent and one apple is worth nothing. I only want one apple,
and if one apple is worth nothing then it is not necessary for me to pay you."
Bill picked out a good apple, began to eat it, and walked happily out of the
store. The man looked at the young boy with such surprise that he could not say【搞笑生活英语笑话】
a word.
一个数学问题
比尔是一个好学生，也是个聪明的孩子。他喜欢学数学，课本上所有的数学问题他都能不费劲地解答。
有一天，在上学路上，比尔经过一家水果店。该店窗户上有个招牌上写着：“苹果--五美分六个。”比尔脑筋一转，进了店门。
“苹果怎么卖？”
“五美分六个。”
“但我不想要六个。”
“你想要几个？”
“这不是我想要几个的问题。这是个数学问题。”
“数学问题？你说这话是什么意思？”
“你看，如果六个苹果五美分，那么五个苹果四美分，四个苹果三美分，三个苹果二美分，二个苹果一美分，一个苹果就不要钱。我只要一个苹果，如果一个苹果一分钱也不要的话，那我也就没必要给你钱了。” 比尔拣了一个好苹果，开始吃了起来，然后兴高采烈地迈出了店门。那个售货员吃惊地望着这个小男孩，一句话也说不出来
Lucky Mother
A young mother believed that it was very wrong to waste any food when there were
so many hungry people in the world. One evening, she was giving her small
daughterher tea before putting her to bed. First she gave her a slice of fresh
brown bread and butter, but the child said that she did not want it like that.
She asked for some jam on her bread as well.
Her mother looked at her for a few seconds and then said, "When I was a small
girl like you, Lucy, I was always given either bread and butter, or bread and
jam, but never bread with butter and jam.
Lucy looked at her mother for a few moments with pity in her eyes and then said
to her kindly, "Aren't you pleased that you've come to live with us now?"
幸运的母亲
一位年轻的母亲认为，世界上还有许多受饥饿的人，浪费食物真不应该。有天晚上，在安排幼小的女儿睡觉之前，她给女儿喂夜宵。她先给她一片新鲜的黑面包和黄油，但孩子说她不喜欢这样吃。她还要一些果酱涂在面包上。
母亲看了女儿几秒钟，随即说道，“露茜，当我象你一样小的时候，总是吃面包加黄油，或者面包加果酱，从来没有面包既加黄油又加果酱。”
露茜看了母亲一会儿，眼中露出怜悯的神情，然后她柔声说：“您现在能跟我们生活在一起难道不感到高兴吗？”
A Baby Sister
Nurse: Don't you like your new baby sister, Johnnie?
Johnnie:She's all right, but I wish she had been a boy. Willie Smith had got a
new sister, and now he'll think I'm trying to copy him.
妹妹
保育员：约翰尼，你难道不喜欢你的小妹妹吗？
约翰尼：那倒不是。她要是个男孩就好了。威利有了一个新生的小妹妹，现在他该认为我又在学他的样子了。
First Flight
Mr. Johnson had never been up in an aerophane before and he had read a lot about
air accidents, so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his
own small plane, Mr. Johnson was very worried about accepting. Finally, however,
his friend persuaded him that it was very safe, and Mr. Johnson boarded the
plane.
His friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport.
Mr. Johnson had heard that the most dangerous part of a flight were the take-off【搞笑生活英语笑话】
and the landing, so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes.
After a minute or two he opened them again, looked out of the window of the
plane, and said to his friend, "Look at those people down there. They look as
small as ants, don't they?"
"Those are ants," answered his friend. "We're still on the ground."
第一次坐飞机
约翰逊先生从前未乘过飞机，他读过许多关于飞行事故的报道。所以，有一天一位朋友邀请他乘自己的小飞机飞行时，约翰逊先生非常担心，不敢接受。不过，由于朋友不断保证说飞行是很安全的，约翰逊先生终于被说服了，登上了飞机。
他的朋友启动引擎开始在机场跑道上滑行。约翰逊先生听说飞行中最危险的是起飞与降落，所以他吓得紧闭双眼。
过了一两分钟，他睁开双眼朝窗外望去，接着对朋友说道：“看下面那些人，他们看起来就象蚂蚁一样小，是不是？”
“那些就是蚂蚁，”他的朋友答道，“我们还在地面上。”
I'll See to the Rest
A guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl
standing on the platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside
the carriage.
"Come on, miss!" he shouted. "Shut the door, please!"
"Oh, I just want to kiss my sister goodbye," she called back.
"You just shut that door, please," called the guard, "and I'll see to the rest."
其余的事由我负责
一位车上的列车员刚发出信号让火车启动，这时他看见一位很漂亮的姑娘站在站台上一节打开的车厢门旁边，跟车厢里另一位漂亮姑娘在说话。
“快点，小姐!”他喊道：“请把门关上。”
“噢，我还没有和妹妹吻别呢。”她回答道。
“请把门关上好了，”列车员说：“其余的事由我负责。”
A Good Solution
A gentleman was sitting quietly in a first-class compartment. Two ladies got in.
One of them saw that the window was open and she shut it before sitting down.
"Open it again," said the second lady, "I'll die of suffocation if there is no
第二篇:《爆笑的经典英语小笑话》
爆笑的经典英语小笑话
英语笑话（一）
老师在黑板上写了一句：Time is money.并让同学们翻译。有名学生答道：“汤姆是玛丽。”
小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?
老师说：Go ahead.
小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?
老师说：Go ahead.
小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？
小明说：你没听老师说「去你个头」啊！
英语笑话（二）
某日刘洪涛遇到外宾，上前搭话曰：I am hongtao liu，外宾曰：我TM还是方片七呢！
英语笑话（三）
江青会见外宾，要求翻译要严格按她的意思翻，不许走样。外宾一见到江青，立刻拍马屁道："Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful." 翻译照翻，江青心花怒 放，嘴上还要谦虚一下：“哪里，哪里”。
翻译不敢怠慢，把江青的话翻成英文："Where? Where?" 外宾一愣，还有这样的人，追问哪里漂亮的，干脆马屁拍到底："Everywhere, everywhere."
翻译：“你到处都很漂亮。”江青更高兴了，但总是要客气一下：“不见得，不见得”。翻译赶紧翻成英文："You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see."
英语笑话（四）
话说某年某月的某一天，叁个神箭手约在一起比箭，目标是十尺外仆人头上的苹果。A神箭手挽弓长射，咻一声，利箭正中苹果。A高傲的昂起下巴，比出一根大 拇指道：「I AM后羿！」
B神箭手照本宣科，射中苹果，这回他自大的喊了一句：「I AM丘比特！」
轮到C了，他也挽弓，利箭射出！ 结果正中仆人的心脏。就听他结结巴巴好久才吐出一句：「I...I...I...AM...SORRY...」 英语笑话（五）
某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞， 忙说：I am sorry.
老外应道：I am sorry too.
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推荐访问:幽默搞笑的英语笑话 英语新年搞笑笑话