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第一篇:《最经典英文笑话》
英文笑话
一眼就看中
The girl found the go-between and said, "You cheated me ! One of his eyes is not true. Why didn't you tell me this before ?"
"I have told you. " said the go-between with justice on his side, When you met first, I told you that he settled on you with one eye.
Notes:
(1) go-between n.媒人
(2) settle on选定；决定
Exercises: 根据短文判断下列句子正（T）、（F）：
① The girl was angry with the go-between for having cheated her.
② The girl married the one-eyed man.
③ The go-between hadn't told the girl the fact.
④ The go-between thought that justice was on his side.
⑤ The girl hadn't fully understood the go-between's words.
112.一眼就看中
姑娘找到媒人，说：“你欺骗了我。他的一只眼是假眼，你以前为什么不告诉我？” “怎么没告诉你？”媒人也不甘示弱，“你们第一回见面后，我就说，他一眼就看中你了。”
借公牛一用
Once upon a time, there lived a rich man, but he didn't know any words.
One day, one of his friends wanted to borrow an ox from him, so he wrote a note and asked his servant to take it to this rich man.
After the servant gave the note to the rich man, he pretended to be reading it and after a while, he said, "OK, I know. Go and tell your master, I'll go myself shortly. Notes:
(1) he pretended to be reading it他假装读着字条。
(2) pretend to do佯装做
Exercises:根据短文回答下列问题：
① When did the story take place?
② What problem did the rich man have?
③ What did his friend want to borrow from him?
④ Who took the note to the rich man?
⑤ The rich man made a fool of himself, didn't he?
111.借公牛一用
从前，有个人很富有，但他不识字。 一天，他的一位朋友想向他借一头公牛，便写了个条，让仆人送到富人那里。
仆人把条子给了富人。富人便假装看了一会儿，然后说道：“好啦，我知道了。回去告诉你的主人，我马上自己过去。”
练习参考答案：
① A long time ago.
② He didn't know and words.
③ An ox.
④ The servant.
⑤ Yes, he did.
You may select可以选择
The husband complained that his wife always cooked the same dish.
One day, the husband got home and asked his wife, "My dear, what will we eat today?" The wife said, "You may select the dish today."
The husband was very glad and asked, "Which dishes are there today?"
"Cabbage."
"The others?"
"None."
"Then how to select?"
"Eat or not eat!" the wife said.
Notes:
(1) complain v.抱怨
(2) cabbage n.白菜
Exercises:
根据短文选择正确答案：
① What did the husband complain about?
A. His wife sometimes cooked the same dish.
B. His wife seldom cooked the same dish.
C. His wife always cooked the same dish.
D. His wife didn't cook any dish.
② What question did the husband ask one day?
A. He asked what they would cat.
B. He asked if there was anything to eat.
C. He asked if there was any meat.
D. He asked if there was any cabbage.
③ The wife told him that_____ .
A. there was no meat
B. there was a lot of cabbage
C. he could select the dish
D. he could cook some other dishes
④ The husband was at first_____ .
A. very disappointed
B. very angry
C. very sad
D. very glad
⑤ We can be sure that_____ .
A. the family had nothing to eat on that day
B. the family had only one dish on that day
C. the family had several dishes an that day
D. the family went out to a restaurant on that day
119.可以选择
丈夫抱怨妻子总是做同样的一种菜。
一天，丈夫回到家，问妻子：“亲爱的，今天我们吃啥菜？”
妻子回答：“今天你可以选择。”
丈夫感到非常高兴，又问：“都有哪些菜呢？”
“炒白菜。”
“还有呢？”
“没了。”
“那你要我怎么选呢？”
“吃还是不吃！”妻子一本正经地说道。
练习参考答案：
①C②A③C④D⑤B
What color 什么颜色
An impoverished graduate student at Clemson University in South Carolina, I was excited when my father informed me that he had bought me a car. Hardly able to contain my enthusiasm, I asked Dad the typical questions: "What kind is it? Does it have a stick shift? Does it have a tape deck?" "It's a 1982 Toyota," he replied. "It's a four speed, and, yes, it has a tape deck . " Pleased, I asked what color it was.
"Well, " he said uncomfortably, " which part?"
Notes:
(1) impoverished adj.穷困的
(2) South Carolina 南卡罗莱那（美国州名）
(3) inform v.告知
(4) contain v.控制（情绪等）
(5) enthusiasm n.热情
(6) typical adj.典型的
(7) stick shift 手排挡
(8) tape deck 磁带舱
Exercises:
根据短文判断下列句子正（T）、（F）：
① The graduate student couldn't afford a car himself.
② When his father told him that a car had been bought for him he was excited.
③ He controlled his excitement and didn't ask any questions.
④ He wanted a car with a stick shift.
⑤ He got a second-hand colored car.
什么颜色
作为南卡罗莱那州克莱姆森大学的一个本科生，我囊中羞涩，当我父亲告诉我他为我买了辆车时，我甚是激动。我几乎控制不住我的热情，问了爸爸几个关键问题：“什么车？有没有手排挡？有没有磁带舱？”
“是1982年产丰田车，”他回答说，“四速，还有，是的，有磁带舱。”我甚是高兴，又问是什么颜色的。
“哦，”他很不舒服地说，“你指哪一部分？”
练习参考答案：
①T②T③F④T⑤T
第二篇:《温馨的新年英文祝福语》
祝愿父母身体安康
I wish you longevity and health.
愿您福寿安康。
Wishing you a long life.
愿您长命百岁。
May you both live long and healthy lives.
愿二老福寿安康。
Wishing a happy, long and healthy life!
多福多寿!
祈祝爱情历久弥新
You are as refreshing as the upcoming spring.
春天就要来了，你就像春天一样清新可人。
I love you more with every passing year.
岁月流逝，我对你的爱历久弥新。
You are the most precious thing I have!
你是我最珍爱的宝贝!
Although I grow older every passing year, I am forever young when I am around you. 岁月已过，容颜已老。但有你在身旁，我将青春永不老。
祝愿同事步步高升
I hope there will be a promotion for you this year.
愿您今年步步高升。
Wishing you many future successes.
祝您今后获得更大成就。
Wishing you success in your career and a happy family!
祝您事业、家庭双丰收。
I wish you a joyous new year, happiness and good luck in the future.
祝新年快乐，并愿您幸福吉祥、前程似锦。
祈祝友人生意兴隆
Have a happy and prosperous year.
愿您新年快乐，大发利市。
Good luck in your new business.
恭贺开张大吉！【新年英语小笑话】
Best wishes for the success of your business.
祝您生意更加兴隆。
May good fortune come your way in the new year.
恭喜发财！
祝福常用语
Good luck, good health, good cheer. I wish you a happy New Year.
祝好运、健康、欢乐伴你度过一个快乐新年。
With best wishes for a happy New Year!
祝新年快乐，并致以良好的祝愿！
I hope you have a most happy and prosperous New Year.
谨祝新年快乐幸福，大吉大利。【新年英语小笑话】
With the compliments of the season.
祝贺佳节。
May the season's joy fill you all the year round.
愿节日的愉快伴你一生。
Season's greetings and best wishes for the New Year.
新年快乐、最诚挚的祝福。【新年英语小笑话】
To wish you joy at this holy season. Wishing every happiness will always be with you.
恭祝新年吉祥，幸福和欢乐与你同在。
Good health, good luck and much happiness throughout the year.
身体健康、万事好运、来年幸福满满！
May the joy and happiness around you today and always.
愿快乐幸福永伴你左右。
Please accept my sincere wishes for the New Year. I hope you will continue to enjoy good health.
请接受我诚挚的新年，顺祝身体健康。
Allow me to congratulate you on the arrival of the New Year and to extend to you all my best wishes for your perfect health and lasting prosperity.
恭贺新禧，祝身体健康、事业发达。
Best wishes for the holidays and happiness throughout the New Year.
恭贺新禧，万事如意。
With very best wishes for your happiness in the New Year.
致以最良好的，原你新年快乐幸福。
May the coming New Year bring you joy, love and peace.
愿新年为你带来快乐，友爱和宁静。
Wishing you happiness during the holidays and throughout the New Year.
祝节日快乐，新年幸福。
Season's greetings and sincere wishes for a bright and happy New Year!
献上节日的问候与,愿你拥有一个充满生机和欢乐的新年。
I give you endless brand-new good wishes. Please accept them as a new remembrance of our lasting friendship.
给你我无尽的新的，让它们成为我们永恒友谊的新的纪念。
Good luck and at success in the coming New Year.
祝来年好运，并取得更大的成就。
A beautiful wish to you and your family --- live a happy life and everything goes well.
给你和你的家人最美好的祝愿——生活幸福、万事如意！
第三篇:《小笑话合集》
1.一个地方春运的火车票有多难买，那个地方的处女就有多难求！
2.晚自习上，我前面坐着一长得并不怎么好看的女生。她总在吃东西，一会薯片，一会瓜子，一晚上嘴都没闲着„„我在后面实在受不了了，刚要说说，忽然，一位标准帅哥走到她面前，极为绅士地对那女生说：“同学，请问——你是不是还没有男朋友呀？”那女生一愣，旋即眼中含笑，深情地点了点头。那帅哥才叫一个厉害呢，听完后立马换了一副嘴脸，恶狠狠说道：“我猜你就没有！！像你这样天天就知道吃的一定没人要！！！”整个教室哑然~
3.我站起身来给一孕妇让座，她疑惑地看了看我，忽然明白过来，然后哭笑不得道：“同学，我这是胖！”
4.A：请问中国第一大BBS是哪个？
B：中国第一大BBS其实就是我们伟大的万里长城，因为每块砖上都记载了游人们的留言！
5.我哥们在单位很受老板器重。一天老板问他：“你有什么梦想啊？”
哥们想了下答道：“我想自己开家公司„„”
老板不屑道：“这个太遥远，说个现实点的~”
哥们又想了想，然后小心翼翼地说：“我想„我想加薪„„”
老板听了哈哈大笑道：“这个更遥远！要说个现实点的！！”
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