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第一篇:《圣诞英文小笑话》
圣诞英文小笑话
This is a joke for Christmas season.The word Xmas is sometimes used instead of Christmas.We want to buy Glass and Glassware, Wire, Nautial,
Metal, Glassware, Resin, Wall Decor, Xmas.
一、男性成长三阶段
The Three Stages of Man: He believes in Santa Claus. He doesn’t believe in Santa Claus. He is Santa Claus! 男性成长的三阶段： 相信圣诞老人的存在。 不相信圣诞老人的存在。 自己是个圣诞老人
二、法官与小偷
It was the Christmas season and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner,
“What is your offense?”
“I did my Christmas shopping early this year,” cried the prisoner.
“There’s nothing wrong with that,” said the Judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?”
“Before the store opened,” answered the prisoner
圣诞佳节到来，法官心情愉悦的问受刑人：
“你做了什么坏事啊？”
“我今年圣诞节购物早了些。”犯人回答。
“那并不事件坏事”，法官说：“到底多早之前啊？”
“商店开门之前。”犯人答道。
三、1000元的脑筋急转弯
On Christmas Eve Santa Claus met an honest politician and a kind lawyer while riding up in an elevator of a very exclusive hotel.
Just before the doors opened thehttp:three of them noticed a 1000NT bill lying on the floor. Which one of them do you think picked it up?
圣诞节前夕，圣诞老人和一清廉的政治人物，以及一心地善良的律师在一家高级饭店一同等电梯，门还未开前，三人同时看到地上有一张新台币1000元的钞票，猜猜谁会将它捡起？
Answer: Santa of course! Why? Because everybody knows that the other two don’t exist!
答案：当然是圣诞老人啦！为什么？因为大家都知道另外两者并不存在。
四、铅笔
What do you do if one of Santa’s reindeer swallows your pencil? Answer: use a pen
若圣诞老人的驯鹿吃掉你的铅笔该怎么办？
答案：用原子笔
五、圣诞老人的爱好
What does Santa Claus like to do in his garden? Answer: he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe
圣诞老人喜欢在花园里做什么？
答案：锄地。（英文里Hoe 和ho同音。hoe是锄草之意，ho则是圣诞老人的笑声。）
六、送出去还有的东西
What can Santa give away and still keep?
Answer: a cold.
什么东西圣诞老人可以分送出去，自己却也还留着？
答案：感冒。
第二篇:《圣诞节英语笑话两则》【圣诞节笑话英语】
孩子上了小学后怎么办？会不会觉得英语课难东特乏味？别着急，我们有妙招，让孩子保持欢快的心情去学英语，还能增强记忆，英语笑话学英语，让孩子对英语学习充满兴趣！
Saying a Prayer for His Christmas Meal 圣诞节晚宴上的餐前祷告
Lee, A seven-year-old boy, was asked to say thanks for the Christmas dinner. The family members bowed their heads in expectation. Lee began his prayer, thanking God for his Mommy, Daddy, brothers, sister, Grandma, and all his aunts and uncles. Then he began to thank God for the food.
有个小男孩叫Lee, 今年七岁，圣诞节晚餐开桌前，家人让他做餐前祷告。家人都带着期待的申请低头看着他，Lee开始做他得祷告，首先，他谢谢上帝赐予他爸爸妈妈，哥哥姐姐诶，奶奶还有他们家的所有叔叔婶婶。然后，他开始感谢上帝赐予他得圣诞节晚餐了。
He gave thanks for the turkey, the stuffing, the Christmas pudding, even the cranberry sauce. Then lee paused, and everyone waited ... and waited. After a long silence, the young fellow looked up at his mother and asked, "If I thank God for the Brussels sprouts, won't he know that I'm lying?"
他感谢上帝赐予他火鸡，馅儿饼，圣诞布丁和红莓酱。然后Lee停下来了 ，大家等啊等啊。。。。Lee沉默了很长时间，然后抬起头看着他妈妈说：“妈妈，如果我感谢上帝赐予我甘蓝菜，他会知道我在撒谎吗？”
注：国外很多小孩子都不喜欢吃甘蓝菜，看《绝望主妇》里面Lynette家的双胞胎就非常讨厌吃甘蓝菜，请了保姆后还拿这个来做实验，看看她们家保姆有没有魅力让两个小鬼头把甘蓝菜吃下去。
圣诞派对上得搞笑对话
"Isn't the head teacher a bit of a twit?" said a boy to a girl.
一个小男孩跟小女孩说：“你有没有觉得班主任有点傻？”
"Well, do you know who I am?" inquired the girl.
小女孩回答到：“啊哈，你知道我是谁吗？”
"No." replied the boy.
小男孩回答道：“不知道。”
"I'm the head teacher's daughter", replied the girl. 小女孩说：“我就是你口中所说的傻班主任的女儿。” "And do you know who I am?" asked the boy. 小男孩（面不改色心里惊恐地）问：“那你知道我是谁吗？” "No," she uttered. 小女孩说：“不知道。” "Thank goodness!" said the boy with a sigh of relief. 小男孩大大的松了口气，说道“真是谢天谢地啊。”
第三篇:《双语阅读：圣诞节笑话博你一笑》
智 课 网 雅 思 备 考 资 料
双语阅读：圣诞节笑话博你一笑
一年一度的圣诞节又要来了！你是否很期待呢，是和朋友聚会，到教堂祈祷还是在家期待圣诞老爷爷的礼物呢？在这之前，不如先和小编一起来看看关于圣诞节的几个小笑话开怀一笑吧！
The thief and the judge
It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood ashe questioned the prisoner. "What are you charged with?" heasked.
"Doing my christmas shopping early," replied the defendant."That's no offense," replied the judge, "How early were youdoing this shopping?"【圣诞节笑话英语】
"Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.
法官与小偷
那天是圣诞节，法官在审讯犯人时也有点恻隐之心。“你为什么而被起诉？”他问。
“采购圣诞节物品过早。”被告答。
“这不算犯法，”法官回答，“你购物多早？”【圣诞节笑话英语】
在商店开门之前，“犯人应道。
Jesus's Telly
A child on Christmas time asked for some paper and crayonsin order to draw a crib. Eventually the artistic masterpiece wasdisplayed for parental approval. The manager, the shepherds,Jesus and Holy Family wore duly admired.
"But what's that in the corner?" asked Mother.
"Oh, that's their telly," replied the tot.
耶稣的电视机
圣诞节时孩子要了纸和蜡笔，想画一张耶稣诞生像。最后这件艺术品被陈列出来供父母鉴赏。
他们对耶稣诞生后睡的马槽，牧羊人，耶稣及其家庭都逐一表示赞赏。
“可是那个角落里是什么？”妈妈问。
“噢，那是他们的电视机，”孩子回答说。
What does Santa Claus like to do in his garden?Answer: he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe
圣诞老人喜欢在花园里做什么？
答案：锄地。（英文里Hoe
和ho同音。hoe是锄草之意，ho则是圣诞老人的笑声。）
第四篇:《雅思口语：圣诞节小笑话》【圣诞节笑话英语】
智 课 网 雅 思 备 考 资 料
雅思口语：圣诞节小笑话
圣诞节已经说来就要来了，小编先来四则关于圣诞节的小笑话预热一下，一起来看看吧。想去国外感受真正的圣诞节吗？先得考雅思、托福哦~拨打400-077-018免费咨询。
The thief and the judge
It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood ashe questioned the prisoner. "What are you charged with?" heasked.
"Doing my christmas shopping early," replied the defendant."That's no offense," replied the judge, "How early were youdoing this shopping?"
"Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.
法官与小偷
那天是圣诞节，法官在审讯犯人时也有点恻隐之心。“你为什么而被起诉？”他问。
“采购圣诞节物品过早。”被告答。
“这不算犯法，”法官回答，“你购物多早？”
在商店开门之前，“犯人应道。
Jesus's Telly
A child on Christmas time asked for some paper and crayonsin order to draw a crib. Eventually the artistic masterpiece wasdisplayed for parental approval. The manager, the shepherds,Jesus and Holy Family wore duly admired.
"But what's that in the corner?" asked Mother.
"Oh, that's their telly," replied the tot.
耶稣的电视机
圣诞节时孩子要了纸和蜡笔，想画一张耶稣诞生像。最后这件艺术品被陈列出来供父母鉴赏。
他们对耶稣诞生后睡的马槽，牧羊人，耶稣及其家庭都逐一表示赞赏。
“可是那个角落里是什么？”妈妈问。
“噢，那是他们的电视机，”孩子回答说。
What does Santa Claus like to do in his garden?
Answer: he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe
圣诞老人喜欢在花园里做什么？
答案：锄地。（英文里Hoe
和ho同音。hoe是锄草之意，ho则是圣诞老人的笑声。）
On Christmas Eve Santa Claus met an honest politician and akind lawyer while riding up in an elevator of a very exclusivehotel. Just before the doors opened the three of them noticed a1000NT bill lying on the floor. Which one of them do you thinkpicked it up?
Answer: Santa of course! Why? Because everybody knowsthat the other two don’t exist!
圣诞节前夕，圣诞老人和一清廉的政治人物，以及一心地善良的律师在一家高级饭店一同等电梯，门还未开前，三人同时看到地上有一张新台币1000元的钞票，猜猜谁会将它捡起？
答案：当然是圣诞老人啦！为什么？因为大家都知道另外两者并不存在。
第五篇:《中英文笑话》
英语笑话 （一） Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea? A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys. 猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧？ 英语笑话 （二） He is really somebody -- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do? -- A maintenance man in a cemetery. [?semitri] 他真是一个大人物 -- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。 -- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？ -- 墓地守墓人。 （三） Two Birds Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us. Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow. 两只鸟 老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？ 学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。 老师：请说说看。 学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。 （四） A man see a woman is beautiful so he said:'Oh,you are beautiful!'But the woman like Chinese said:"Where?Where?'The man said :"eyes and mouth and the nose...' 一老外见到一中国女人十分美丽，曰：“你真漂亮！”中国女人想按照中国的方式回答，曰：“哪里哪里！”老外便说：“眼睛、嘴巴、鼻子........” （五） 一个冬天的早晨，一名雇员解释他为什么迟到了四十五分钟才起来上班。“外面太滑了，我每向前迈一步，就要向后退两步。” 老板狐疑地看着他。“噢，是吗？那你是怎样到这里来的？” “后来我决定放弃，”他说，“然后我就往家里走。” How Did You Ever Get Here 你是怎样来的？ One winter morning, an employee explained why he had shown up for work 45 minutes late. "It was so slippery out that for every step I took ahead, I slipped back two." The boss eyed him suspiciously. "Oh, yeah? Then how did you ever get here?" "I finally gave up," he said, "and started for home." （六） 采购过早 那天是圣诞节，法官在审讯犯人时也有点恻隐之心。“你为什么而被起诉？”他问。 “采购圣诞节物品过早。”被告答。 “这不算犯法，”法官回答，“你购物多早？” 在商店开门之前，“犯人应道。 Early Shopper It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent [bi?nev?l?nt] mood as he questioned the prisoner. "What are you charged with?" he asked. "Doing my christmas shopping early," replied the defendant. "That's no offense," replied the judge, "How early were
you doing this shopping?" "Before the store opened," countered the prisoner. （七） 好消息和坏消息 “有好消息，也有坏消息，”离婚律师告诉他的当事人。 “我总能利用一些好消息吧，”当事人吧了口气说，“是什么好消息？” “你妻子没有要求将你未来的继承财产也划入裁决的范围。”【圣诞节笑话英语】 “那么坏消息呢？” “离婚以后，她将与你父亲结婚。” Good News And Bad News "There's good news and bad news," the divorce lawyer told his client. "I could sure use some good news," sighed the client. "What's it?" "Your wife isn't demanding that your future inheritances be included in the settlement." "And the bad news?" "After the divorce, she's marrying your father." （八） 百万富翁 主管人：我妻子使我成为百万富翁。 助 手：以前你是什么？ 主管人：千万富翁。【圣诞节笑话英语】CEO: "My wife made a millionaire out of me." Assistant: "What were you before?" CEO: "a multimillionaire." （九） 过一秒钟 A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟." （十） Jack feell off his bicycle and got hurt. A beautiful young nurse asked him to fill forms. Jack finished them and gave them back. Anything else? The nurse asked. Yes, Jack thinks for a while and said, I'm a bachelor. 杰克骑车摔伤,得住院治疗.一位年轻美貌的护士拿着表格让填.仞杰克填好递上表格还有什么漏填的? 护士问. 有! 杰克想了想说, 我是个单身汉. （十一） One day a doctor went to a store and bought a pair of shoes. Before he left the shoes counter, he asked the salesgirl: " How long will this pair of shoes last?" "It depends. If you don t use it, the shoes will never wear out." Several days later the salesgirl fell ill and went to a hospital. And the happened to be the customer she served. After the girl got the prescription from the doctor, she asked: "How soon will I get better with the medicine?” It depends. " The doctor answered, "If you don t use it, you will never get better. 一天，一位医生到鞋店买了双鞋。他在离开柜台之前，问售货员：“这双鞋能穿多长时间？“ “看情况而定。如果您不穿它，那它们永远也不会坏。” 几天后，这位售货员病了，去医院看病。这位医生碰巧是那位顾客。 当售货员拿了处方后，
问道：“吃了这药，我的病多长时间才能好呀？” “看情况而定。”医生说，“如果你不吃药，你的病永远也好不了。” (十二) Wife talking to her husband(who reads newspaper all day): I wish I were anewspaper so I'll be in your hands all day. Husband: I wish that too, so I could change you daily. 妻子走到看报纸的丈夫面前说：我真希望我是一份报纸，这样我每天都可以被你捧在手心里了。 丈夫回答到：我也希望如此，这样我就可以主宰和改变你一天了！ （十三） We have got a new dog, would you like to come around and play with him? Well, I don't know. Does he bite? That's what I want to find out
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